<< 9 I Need his Guidance >>

She remained silent for a while then said. “I have a lot of respect and appreciation for the other spiritual masters. They have helped me in my spiritual life, and I have no doubt that they can help me now. But I want to personally hear my Guru Mahārāja’s final instructions to me. I need him to be here to instruct me step by step. I have so many things to ask him before I go. I need his guidance. Otherwise how shall I take full advantage of all the faith I’ve developed in him throughout my devotional life? He is my heart and soul and understands me better than anyone else.” She then broke down crying.

There were many senior women around her bed, and they started to preach to her. I was also trying to preach to her, but no one could convince her that she could leave her body without final encouragement from her Guru Mahārāja. The devotees left, and she cried all night until 7:00 a.m.

When I approached her bedside in the morning I said, “Do you want me to sing the Gurv-aṣṭaka prayers for you?” She replied, “Yes.” I started, but she did not like my melody, or my mood, and she started to sing herself with a very weak but sweet voice. She made it from beginning to end without interruption, tears flowing from her almost blind eyes. She had so much attachment to her spiritual master.

The next morning the doctor told us she might not survive that day. By Kṛṣṇa’s mercy we were able to contact my Guru Mahārāja that afternoon, and with the help of my godsister Vaiṣṇavī dāsī I begged him to please come. I was exhausted and crying on the phone. I appealed for his mercy. Then he replied, “I’ll be there as soon as possible. Tell Vraja Līlā I’m coming.’’

I ran to Vraja’s room and told her the good news. She was so happy. I told her she had to survive two days more until Śrīla Gurudeva’s arrival. I told her, “Pray to Kṛṣṇa to survive a few more hours, and you’ll see your Guru Mahārāja. He’s promised to come.” Many devotees feel that Vraja Līlā survived the next few days simply in order to see her spiritual master. She waited for him before leaving her body.

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